[Almost all of these are “you had to be there” moments… but if even one of them made you laugh, then my work here is done. Most of these are said by me, Eryn, or Elyse, but our chemistry teacher Mr. Killam has quite a few, and there’s also one quote by a kid called Lucas who is stupid but funny.]

Katey: “If I hit your head and walk away, then obviously I’m a robot.”

Eryn: “We’re eating his privacy!”

Katey: “YES, my purse is a man!”

Elyse: “It’s…hy-dro-gil-a-fix.”
-- Katey: “…You mean hieroglyphics?”
---- Elyse: “Right.”

Katey: “And now we’re eating chemistry! It had better taste good, too…”

Katey: “You! Raise your hand and shake a pen!!”

Elyse: “….What?”
-- Katey: “I’m watching you unfurl your calculator…”

Katey: Hey! I can move around my windpipe!” *pokes throat*

Lucas: “He was perfectly fine over the weekend…and then I gave him a pogo stick.”

Katey: “George Bush, glomp Mr. Steinmetz! For the sake of America, glomp that science teacher!!”

Katey: “Here, shake my hand… HA! I just gave you my life energy -- You fool!!”

Elyse: “Stop dropping peanuts!”
-- Katey: “I’m PLANTING them!”

Elyse: “I got… 2, 1, 2, 1, for question 8.”
-- Katey: “Why THANK YOU, gracious neighbor!”

Katey: “I’m going to write in red today! Because red is the color of BLOOD.”

Katey (or Eryn…I forget): “You’re so expendable you might as well be an appendix.”

Katey: “Pretty please with sugar and DEAD BODIES on top?”

Katey: *demonic voice* “Angle…Side…ANGLE.”

Katey: Why do all my teachers DESPISE me??”

Erm…one of us: “I have to prove these triangles are congruent. I HATE my life!!!”

Elyse: “You kept tangling your pen in my hair in Spanish.”
-- Katey: Well your hair reminds me of kelp. Why do you grow kelp on your head?”
---- Elyse: “Well why did you keep putting my pen in my hair?”
------ Katey: “I was pretending my pen was a whale.”

Eryn: “The people in the video are gay.”
-- Katey: “Why are they in chemistry then?”

Katey: Why are they moving without moving??”

Katey: “This video makes me think violent thoughts…”

Katey: “This video can be used as a torture implement. I want one!”

Lady in video: “Now we’ll learn about azimuthal numbers! Doesn’t that sound like fun?”
Katey and Eryn: “I HATE my life!!!”

Katey: “….WHERE DID SHE GET THAT TOGA?!?!”

Katey: “Oh God! They’re multiplying!”

Video: “Hess’s Law: If your name’s Hess, you get free stuff!”

Katey: “I punched her fist…”

Katey: “I like useless information! It’s useless. And informationing!”

Eryn: “It’s never fair until cookies are included.”

Katey: “All is well in…………….town…………….”

I think Elyse: “My mouth exploded.”

Katey: “Hey what now what now what what now?”

Elyse: “I’m sorry I almost made you die.”

We think Katey said this one: “Not tomorrow! Not yesterday! Not even noooooww….”

Katey: “I’m a very unhealthy little girl….”

Mr. Killam: “See, you can’t get a tan by sitting next to a campfire. It doesn’t work.”
-- Katey: “Dang it. All that time, wasted!”

Katey: “Poke a point and write frequency!”

Katey: “We’re poking points. It’s kind of like dunkin’ donuts, but…not….”

Elyse: “Eryn, how many times are you going to say that?”
-- Katey: “She likes the exotic feeling of swearing. It’s tingly!”

Katey: “You lowly, filthy cheater…”
-- Elyse: “What?”
---- Katey: She skipped chapter seven.”

Katey: “H2O times LINE.”

Katey: “You need to utilize the spit that your mouth makes.”

Katey: “When you’re asleep, you go ZZZZZZZZ for snoring purposes.”

Katey: “Look! There’s a car behind you! There’s a person in it, she’s getting out, she’s ooooooooollldddd…..”

Killam: “Let’s take a moment to reflect.”
-- Katey: “Hmm… should I have worn pants today?”

Katey, while misreading a line in a book: “She looked like a demon…No, she was a lemon.”

Katey: “I smell copypasta…”

Katey: “I drew a chicken…or maybe a rooster…or maybe it was a transvestite chicken.”

Katey: “Actually, I would be flattered if someone tried to eat me…”

Katey: “Pregnant people DIE all the time!”

Elyse: “You DARE insult my dinner!”

Katey: “Quarter-sized crystals of LOVE.”

Katey: “You hold the map of hope!”

Katey: “Get your map of hope, find the element of justice, and the charge of… defeat.”

Katey: “Her happy pants got shrunk in the dryer.”

Katey: *weird voice* “The map of hope knows ALL.”

Katey: “You look…not low. Go to the nurse.”

Katey, but funnier if Elyse says it: “So they’re electron MISERS?”

Katey: “Your quotes look very healthy.”

Elyse, or Eryn. I forget: “Are dipole moments like Kodak moments?”

Katey: “Shh! I’m trying to curse this person!”

Katey: “What’s up with that dot? Can you see out of it? Does it change colors when you’re mad??”

Elyse: “And how do you spell ‘phail’?”
-- Eryn: “P-H-A-I-L. Like quail!”

Katey: “Wow! You’ll be so shiny it’ll be like a misuse of the dodge tool!”

Katey: “So…they want us to eat the gay molecules?”

Katey: “YOU’RE an interesting analogy!”

Katey: *singing* “Gotta wash my socks…Gotta wash my socks…Cuz if I don’t, they’ll smell real bad, and no one’ll hang out with me…”

Elyse: “WHY is my skin dry??”
Katey: *cheerfully* “Smallpox!”

Katey: “My nose looks like the surface of an orange…”

Katey: “You’re squawking inside your head, aren’t you? I heard the brainwaves.”

Katey: *looks at metal spring* “Man, I really want to chew on this. I don’t know what my problem is.”

Katey: “Wot yew wroitin?”

Katey: “I have to get revenge on the donut girl…”

Katey: “It would suck to like, throw yourself into a volcano…”

Eryn: “Your broke it. The world is going to explode now.”

Katey: “Don’t give up, Morgan! Through the power of friendship, nothing is…hard?”

Katey: *creepy grin* “Sky blue energy for metabolism!”

Katey: “Zgzezg…I’m a good thief…” *steals notebook from Elyse’s lap*

Katey: “Have you found your livestock?”

Elyse: “My stuff keeps falling off my desk…”
-- Katey: “You should get glue.”

Katey: “You and that sheet of paper that’s covered in plastic stuff that makes it hard to write on -- you are the chosen one!”

Katey: “OMGLOLWTFBBQ!”
-- Elyse: “Oh, go away. You and your letters.”

Katey: “You should all just call me cookie…DON’T.”

Elyse: “I think she’s becoming dead.”
-- Katey: “Well I WAS foaming at the mouth…”

Eryn: “We’re Team Santa!”

Elyse: *looks at atom model* “Take it back. I don’t like it.”

Katey: “She’s just jealous of my Bonpin.”

Elyse: “Katey! Protected left turn!”
-- Katey: “NOOOO!!!!”

Eryn: “Is there sugar on it?”
-- Katey: “No, just milk and love…”

Killam: “Gamma rays are going through you, even right now.”
-- *everyone looks around*

Katey: “Quit digging your grave with a knife and fork. We don’t want your grave to be in little, bite-sized pieces.”

Katey: “I’m a paranoid insomniac with OCD. What ELSE could there be wrong with me?”

Katey: “I hate idiots who won’t shut up. Unless they’re me.”

Katey: “My character of death…She diiiieeeeeedd……”

Katey: *talking into calculator* “Note to self: annihilate Eryn…Note to self: get tape recorder.”

Elyse: “What’s kpa?”
-- Katey: *demonic voice* “Kitty…puppy…atom!”

Katey: “No, these ones are electron charity givers.”

Elyse: “So his face is inverted?”

Katey: “He’s dumb with a capital H.”

Katey: “I’m American. I don’t know how to use complicated programs.”

Katey: “You batted the paper away with your bionic hair!”

Katey: “OW! My eye unit!!”

Katey: *draws a cross* “GOD.”

Katey: “I’m going to call you Fizgig from now on…”

Katey: *weird noise*
-- Eryn: “What was that?”
---- Katey: “…A MATING call.”
------ Eryn: Who are you trying to mate with?”
-------- Katey: “Oh, I dunno…anyone…That came out wrong.”

Katey: “Who needs drugs when you could have a green notebook?”

Killam: “Now what we’re gonna do --”
-- Katey: “No!”
---- Killam: “Tomorrow --”
------ Katey: “Yay!”

Elyse: “My squiggles are offended.”

Katey: *gravelly* “Somebody give me ten bucks.”

Katey: “I don’t need a kid, I’ll just chop its head off.”

Eryn: “Hitler is definitely not in heaven.”
-- Katey: “No, he’s probably back here, walking around in Wal-Mart.”
---- Eryn: “OMG.”

Katey: “He’s a mango-colored demon! He just sneezed out his soul!”

Katey: “I want a pet squirrel. The more rabies, the better!”

Katey: “I hate moles. They’re like, blind things that dig.”

Katey: “The kitty’s in the microwave and the puppy’s down the cliff. And atoms are exploding!!”

Katey: “They’re giants’ contact lenses! No more blind giants for us!”

Katey: “Humans! They’re everywhere!!”

Killam: “It’s getting to be almost-fancy…”

Killam: “And all these other little molecules, they grab onto this crazy one because they love him, and they go, ‘No, please don’t leave us!’”

Katey: “If I could be any animal, I’d be…uh…a Pikachu.”

Elyse: “I have a paper cut…”
-- Katey: “Does it talk?”

Killam: “So if you’re ever chased into a factory, hit a steam valve and it’ll take care of your pursuer.”

Katey: “And it’s very hard to get me to eat…ASPARAGUS.”

Katey: “NOOO!! You bent the page! You ruined the books virginity…”

Katey: “I have…thirty-nine inches of rice!!”

Elyse: “I don’t know why I need a flower pot with my lunch…”

Katey: “Don’t be malicious, now…Be delicious!”

Elyse: “Why is there an eyeball in my Pepsi?

Katey: “You get hearts. Cow hearts!!”

Katey: “OMG! It’s my life’s dream!!

Killam: “So you have these…big, fat molecules…”
-- Katey: “American molecules?”

Elyse: “I want real butter. Because ‘I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter’? I CAN believe it’s not butter!!”

Killam: “How much water do you need to add?”
-- Katey: “…….Two.”

Katey: “NOOO!! My eyebrows are furrowing in frustration!”

Katey: “Oh no, there’s a BACK.”

Katey: “NO. He’s not offended, he’s deaf!!”

Katey: “I like my life!”
-- Eryn: “Not love?”
---- Katey: “No, we’ve decided to just be friends.”

Elyse: “Don’t sit in Katey’s seat! You’re sitting on her spirit!”

Katey: “I don’t want you and me in the same sentence. Go away!”

Katey: “Hey, Eryn, guess who’s right behind you -- ME!”

Katey: “You’re a liar! An L-Y-…Wait…”

Katey: “That’s the kind of lunch I’d like to have…in heaven!”

Katey: “Hey, what might cause fingernails to turn blue?”
-- Killam: “Uh……poison.”
---- Katey: “Crap.”

Katey: “Well, watch dinner --” *laughs* “No, eat TV…WAIT!!”

Katey: “God forbid we eat some acid RAIN.”

Katey: “I’m going to draw you a festive…” *hand frolicking* “…crab ornament!”

Katey: “Why is there a slash through that O?”
-- Killam: “…Cuz he’s foreign.”
---- Katey: “Oh…”

Katey: *holds up paper* “Got…Dead trees!!”

Katey: “It’s not ME who’s threatening to disembowel you!”

Killam: “A drop of HCl would eat through your skin and you’d whine at me.”

Killam: “I will move my head when I so choose.”

Katey: “An army of baby chickens would be the cutest army ever!! I would get them all little hats…”

Katey: “You don’t have little seeds in your nose! That’d be weird!”

Katey: “I’m gonna get a lawyer, and he’s gonna eat you!”

Katey: “Stop stabbing Elyse!” *silence* “…Anyway!”